My baby girl will be three years old tomorrow. Three.
I was tucking her in last night, looking at her beauty and tears welled up in my eyes. God sure did bless us! So - I am totally emotional and I thought I would share a few excerpts from the baby journal I kept for her.
"Well, we are trying to have a baby! I'm not sure if I am pregnant or not - but I should have started by now....I know it's too early to feel anything but I think I am pregnant!!"
"The waiting was killing us so I bought a home pregnancy test. (It was a two pack!) I did the first test at 10:00 p.m. It was POSITIVE! Your daddy was - well shocked & scared I think. He said "Maybe you better take the 2ND one just to be sure." So when I woke up the next morning, it was confirmed! He was so sweet and we both cried. He said "She's not even here yet and I already want to protect and take care of her" Your daddy at six weeks was positive you were a girl.
...We got to see you on the ultra-sound - WOW! You are about 1.5 inches long! Tiny! We could see your heart beating away! What an amazing feeling - I am carrying a life inside me! Your daddy and I both cried (again)! Oh baby you are going to be so loved! P.S. your daddy still thinks you're a girl!
"...you don't really like sweet stuff - but you sure did like pizza!"
"We were coming home from a visit from your grandma's house and I felt you kick for the first time! It felt like you were running around in my belly! You didn't stop either! All night long "tap tap tap"! Oh how sweet to finally feel unmistakably you! I thought I felt you before but this time I was sure! Your daddy can't wait for his little girl"
"...We got to see you on the screen - I cried at the sight of you little hands and feet... your daddy was so quiet.... When we first saw you, you were curled in a little ball! The nurse kept pushing an pushing - and the harder she pushed you would kick her! We got to see your kidneys, heart, your spine, you little tibia and fibula, and the coolest thing was to see your brain! We could see your cerebellum at the base of your spine - it was so amazing! She went over your face & you raised your hands to cover it - awe, you're shy?! Your mommy will fix that! The nurse asked if we wanted to know the sex and we both shouted YES! The nurse finally got you to move and there it was, or wasn't in your case! "It's a little girl" she said. A wave of emotion ran over me - that I can't explain. That's my daughter, I thought to myself. I kept wiping my tears so I could see the screen. That's when your daddy said (rather loudly) I KNEW IT!!!!! He was wiping tears from his eyes with a smile from ear to ear! "
...I keep asking myself questions; will I be a good mother? Will I know what to do? Will you love me? I know I will love you, I already do. I've gained 14 pounds - which is really good - but I feel huge! We met another Dr today - Dr. Levy. He asked me not to go in to labor for at least 6 weeks because he hadn't finished the delivery chapter in his "how to deliver babies" book. too funny! Hearing your heartbeat still makes me smile! Your father beams with pride every time he hears it!
..."I'm watching one of my favorite shows, and I can't help but think of all the things I want for you - Love, Laughter, Happiness, Faith, Security, Hope, Pride, Humility and even a little fear. I want you to feel support and encouragement from your family. I want you to feel loved and protected. I want to teach you right from wrong - but I want to allow you to make mistakes of your own so you an learn the difference yourself. I want to encourage your strength's and help you strengthen your weaknesses. I want to laugh and cry with you but most of all I want to love you - love you with all my heart! There are so many uncertainties in this world, but the one thing I always want you to be certain of is that I love you with every ounce of energy in my body!"
"...I am savoring every little kick and wiggle and hick up that I feel. I know I will never feel those "firsts" again. I still giggle every time I hear your heartbeat at the Dr. I love patting my belly when you get the hick ups. I love the gleam in your daddy's eyes every time he sees you move inside me. Before I got pregnant with you I never understood how you could love something so much and yet have never seen it, touched it, held it; but i know now that it is so possible!
"Happy Birthday Kaitlyn Mychael Manzanares! .....9:15 a.m. Dr. Levy told me to stop pushing, he told me to open my eyes and watch you be born. That moment was the most miraculous, awe inspiring moment in my life. They placed you on my tummy, I cried and could not believe the miracle I just witnessed."
And still today - I think she is a miracle! She is a blessing in every way!
Thank you lord for the blessings!